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Top ten most ridiculous top-ten lists

By John Mitchell

Now more than ever, publications rely on numbered lists to attract readers. Slap a number on something and—whammo!—it’s magically made relevant. Here are our picks for the top ten most ridiculous top ten lists of the past year.

10. Top ten ways to pimp out your potty
PC Magazine, February 5, 2007. Winners include a cordless lighted toilet seat, a toilet seat lifter, and vibrating soap.

9. Top ten Canadian shopping plazas
Footwear News, January 9, 2006. Number One: West Edmonton Mall in Alberta is “not only the largest mall in the world . . . it is also the proud owner of seven ‘world’s largest’ records, including those for its parking lot, indoor wave pool, and indoor amusement park.” Eat that, Mall of America.

8. Thirty top ten lists in one issue
Campaign, December 15, 2006. Lists include the ten nicest people, the top ten account planners, and the ten worst excuses for losing a sales pitch.

7. Top 10 Top 10
The New York Review of Magazines, Spring 2007. What were we thinking?

6. Top ten unusual auto add-ons
PC Magazine, February 15, 2007. B.O. got you down after long hours of geeking out? No worries—scented tires and a portable car shower should do the trick.

5. Top ten profiles of the Asian urban male
China Daily, January 27, 2007. Number One: Harbin men. “Imposing in physique and rough and tough in character, men of Harbin exude sexiness coupled with a tinge of cold
arrogance and hot abandon. They make women swoon.”

4. Top ten practices for rail-shipped chemicals
Chemical Week, June 28, 2006. First of all, who reads this magazine? Second of all, should this information be public?

3. Top ten Christmas movies for guys Number Ten: Silent Night, Deadly Night. Best line: “You see Santa Claus tonight, you better run boy, you better run for ya life!”

2. Top ten cattle feeding stories
BEEF, February 1, 2006. Number Four: “Development of a national animal ID system moves closer to reality.” Far Side, anyone?

1. Top ten things we’ll miss about Bob Barker Number Five: Bob and his Plinko Stick. Too true, too true.


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